I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
