I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
