Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
