Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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