we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
