is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
