New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
