What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
