i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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