It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
