just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
