I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
