did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
