He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
