he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
