I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
