Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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