I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
