She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
