hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
