WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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