I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
