Banned from zoo.
Again?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
