I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
