not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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