she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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