Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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