If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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