conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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