You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
