He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He shit in the fireplace
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
