You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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