Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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