My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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