Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
