Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
