I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
