Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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