I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am midnight drunk by noon
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
