Porn is love you can see.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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