i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
