If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
