Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
