Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
