he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
