their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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