carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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