i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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