dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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