Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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