Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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